SIX

I suppose six wouldn’t be a memorable number to most but that’s kinda how we roll right?! 

To the beat of our own drum. 

In our own lane. 

Making up our own rules as we go. 

That’s always been us baby boy. The number six has always been a part of us…you were born on 6/26 at 6:11pm (a solid 8 days overdue coming into this world on your own time).

Coincidently, this is also the first year you’re acknowledging and excited for your birthday, once again on your own time. I am also excited. You are helping with the planning…balloons, pool time, an “indigo cake” which just means blue frosting. You got it!

I get excited every year but you’ve been pretty laid back about it in the past. That’s really how these love letters came to be. I wanted to ensure that whenever (if ever) you are ready, you can look back and know that mama always celebrated YOU. Not just today but every day.  Birthday parties are great and we will have a few (if you want) but I wanted to take time every year to really reflect and share with you how special you are.

This is the time of year when I say, WE MADE IT!!

I never doubt that but our journey is so unique and special that it’s easy to get caught up in the day to day…the appointments and the routines. This year, in particular, has been challenging for everyone but you’ve taught me so much. 

We made it through a pandemic(you’ll learn about it in history class I’m sure at some point) but as it relates to us just know we were pretty much locked up together 24/7 for over a year. We both ran low on patience and I apologize for not being the best mama at all times. I apologize for the days that all I had may not have seemed like enough. I always tried my best. I always apologized quickly. I never stopped loving on you with all I had. I hope you always felt that..and felt wanted and heard. I did my best and I know you did too. I learned so much this year from so many people; your people, your community. I listened, I took notes, I did better. I learned that accepting autism and accepting that you are autistic are 2 different things, who knew?! 

You’ve grown so much this year Caleb, not just physically but emotionally and developmentally. You’re so expressive and funny. You make me laugh out loud and you leave me speechless often with the things you say and do. We made a lot of changes this year and you took them in stride, some days were a challenge but we made it through together…per usual, as promised. In doing that I feel like I’ve seen you in ways like I never did before. I heard a lot of what you were trying to say even when you didn’t have the words and acted as quickly as I could. I’m only sorry I didn’t listen sooner. I’ve watched how you’ve grown just by being seen and understood…it’s beautiful. You are beautiful my sweet boy. I promise to continue to love you like this always, unconditionally and the way that’s best for you.

I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for you. I’m so proud of you already for things you’ve accomplished and what’s to come. Stay fearless. Stay brave. Stay curious. Stay Kind. You remain the brightest light in my universe leading the way and I’ll always follow.

Happy 6th Birthday my Caleb Ashton!!! Let’s Parrtttyyyyyyyy!!

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